ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize