I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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