Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
