'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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