You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
