So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
