my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
