it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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