are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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