Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
