Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pants are for mortals
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize