he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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