im six kinds of drunk right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
