so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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