what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
