No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
