We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
