i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
