What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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