...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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