I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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