Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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