Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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