Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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