No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
