His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
