i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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