In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
