the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
