don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Couch. On fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
