Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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