I don't usually arrange sex via text message
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
