my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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