it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
