someone get that fucking seahorse.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
