Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
