one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize