i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
