it's like heaven, but drunker
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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