Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
where am i from again
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
