she woke up with a sticky ear
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
