How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize