:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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