This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
