yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
