is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
