After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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