3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
