Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
