I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
