sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
