You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
