Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
