he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
