oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we made out on top of his cat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
