I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize