i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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