so explain again why im purple
no
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
