You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
