i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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