i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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