I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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