Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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