there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
