she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
