So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
