I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
