Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
