so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
