Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
