I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
