Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
