I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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