Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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