if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
