I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
