I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
grandma shit on top of the toilet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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